My Dearest,

When the world turns its back on me, I yearn for that very single person that will understand me perfectly. When the world doesn't make sense, when no one understands me, when everyone is too insensitive to see the pain in me, I wonder where you are and why I haven't met you yet. I really want to know you, I really do. I know you're the who can understand me more than anyone else in this world. I know you're the one I can share the insides of my heart. I hope I can have you in my life right now.

However, I need to be a little more patient. You can't come yet. We still need time. For the mean time, I'll just put up with everything, all the hurt, the pain, and the like. God won't leave me anyway. I hope you'll be more patient as well. Patience is a virtue. I'll keep on praying for you.

Love, Love, Love,
Your Dearest :-)

Failing

A failure is depressing
And it seems humiliating
The results are frustrating
And away, some end up passing

But there's something with failing
that most people are missing
It is a new learning
That you'll consider a blessing

Failing is not quitting
It is a start of better sowing
and thriving and reaping
That will make us a better being

So never stop hoping,
Never stop striving
'Cause behind our struggling
there's someone out there helping

Thank You Father that I'm failing
Your plans are always pleasing
Failing is just a bitter beginning
Success is the sweet ending

Not the First One

If I'm not the first one you think of when you wake up,
It won't ruin my day.
If I'm not the first one you turn to when you are in trouble,
I won't be hurt
If I'm not the first one that makes you happy,
I won't be sad
If I'm not the first one you seek when you need help,
I won't be offended
If I'm not the first one who makes you jump in excitement,
I won't be jealous
If I'm not the first one you prioritize,
I won't be mad
If I'm not the first one who makes you cry,
I won't weep
If I'm not the first one you adore,
I won't be insecure
If I'm not the first one you are grateful for,
I won't feel insignificant
If I'm not the first one you Love,
I won't feel betrayed
It's okay If I'm not your only one..
As long as God is your First one,
I would always love to be the Second one.

- Daniel Handler

"Why We Broke Up"

"I am exhausted

Will you hold my hands now and

let me fall asleep."

- Charles Moses Rangel

"I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning."
- Charlie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

"You don't have a clue

How I'm grateful to have you
In my life right now"

This certain day of the year has come again. I really hate it. It's the day when you have to leave...

I remember when I was little, I used to dread this certain day. I would highly anticipate what I will do, how I will react or how I would escape this day but I can never do that. I never liked it when you start putting your clothes and the rest of your stuff in that big old blue suitcase. I really want to go inside so you can bring me without any passport or plane ticket. You said I can't because I'm a fat kid. I hate it when you take us out for lunch just so you can formally say goodbye. I don't like it when you're leaving the next day and you will seriously talk to us and let us say something. I can't hold back my childhood tears. I find sleeping (or feigning sleep) as a quick escape, making my hotdog-shaped pillow absorb all the tears. More than a decade has passed and I'm 20 now. Nothing has changed, really. My hotdog-shaped pillow's still exists, I still want to fit  inside that suitcase. I still can't hold back my tears. I haven't got used to it and I guess I'll never do. This separation anxiety never left me.

I still wonder why it always has to be like this. Obviously, It's really hard to grow up without you. It's sad that you missed a lot of Christmases, Birthdays, Graduations and the like. There are times when I wanted to rush home to let you see the star at the back of my hand but you're not here. There are times when I wished you can talk to that rude classmate who annoys me but still you're not here. I can't blame you, for I know this isn't your fault at all. I thought of ways on how I can let you stay, like finding a job to help or getting scholarships but it was not as easy as it sounds. I blamed the government, the president, corruption, recession, but it always ended with just letting you leave. Yes, I understand. It was for our own good. But how can this be good? It was painful for me and it pains me more to realize that it was harder for mother, for the family, and for you, of course. You have to leave us, you'll be alone in the middle of the sea with your co-workers you have no idea how bad or good they are. You're very far and have no clue of what is happening with our everyday. That is really torture.

However, this is the sad reality of life that we have to accept. Sorry for my rants. It's just that I'll miss you so much. You know how we get along well and how we are similar in a lot of ways. I'll miss everything about you. I'll miss our talks. I'll miss how we become partners-in-crime to tease mother and I'll miss you defending me from her. I'll miss you scolding me for forgetting little things like switching off the lights and locking the doors. I'll miss watching basketball 'cos I only watch when you're around..and I'll also miss the actual games. I'll miss you teasing me how bad I am with my tagalog words and how you laugh hysterically when I commit that mistake. I'll miss your laugh whenever I accidentally kiss you several times before going to school because I forget that I have kissed you already. (But I won't miss the rash on my face and will forever hate that beard). I'll miss the advises and the tips. I'll miss your stories. I'll miss everything, huge or small. The house is never the same without you.

As I make this one, you are too busy packing your stuff in that big old blue suitcase again. I can sense the sadness as I stare at the scene. I would still like to fit myself in that suitcase. I still can't hold back my tears. Do not worry, Daddy. 2 years more. I'm not gonna make you leave again, ever.

"Sometimes it hurts so much to Love
It's so much easier to hate
To never have Loved at all
To never have known Love
Than to walk around in this state
To think of you incessantly
To want to feel your touch
and the castle of your embrace
To hear those words
That you Love me just as much
I would be a fool to anticipate
A fool not to hate
Because it hurts too much too Love
It's a non-physical torture
To Love and be in Loved with you."

- Charles Moses Rangel

You don't know how much I miss you everyday. When I wake up in the morning, after I have said my morning prayers I wonder if you are already awake or still dreaming. When I drink my daily hot chocolate, I would imagine myself sharing it with you. I would Love to make heart-shaped pancakes just for you. In the afternoon, after I have done all the household chores I'm asked to do, I would feel you rubbing the top of my head with your hand. I'd always Love it when you do that. Please do it often. Whenever someone's annoying me or at times that I'm almost losing my patience, I would think of you consoling me. On sad days, you'll allow me to make fun of you just to make me laugh. In the wee hours, whenever I force myself to study I will think of you sitting beside me playing with my calculator. That would make me smile. I would Love you to be there to motivate me, and when I'm tired you'll let me lean on your shoulder and fall asleep in your arms.

As much as I hated phone conversations I would still Love to have one with you. I want you to know how my day has been. I want to know how yours went, too. I want to listen to you as you rant how exhausting your day has been, how annoyed you were with your sibling and how you almost lost your temper. Then we'll just laugh it off. What matters is I've heard the most relaxing sound in the world and that is your voice. I want to hear more from you and I want to hear you say that you miss me as much as I do.

"Ipakilala mo naman ako sa kanya, Ang GANDA niya kasi"

This crazy guy almost knelt as he pleads for me to respond to his heed. He really likes to get near to this Maganda. Tsk. Tsk. I refused, by the way.

I really loathe the fact that most guys nowadays are like this. They think its cool to meet a girl who really looks good. "Pare, I met her na. Her name's Anna. Chicks Pre. I should ask her out!" and "Make a move! tapos pakilala mo rin ako"

Don't get me wrong. Girls are happy whenever their beauty is appreciated, but girls don't want guys to just look at the outside features. There is always something beyond the outside appearance and women wants you to see that as well. She would Love you to be interested that she's a bookworm and she'd Love to know that you're also waiting for another J.K. Rowling hit. She would Love you to be interested to hear how she sings, or how she cooks a mean adobo, or how she performs well in her academics. She would Love you to be interested on the things she does. I guess it's nature for women to make themselves look attractive because men are visual, but it doesn't stop there. Don't you know that women are offended whenever you see the beauty alone? It's kind of insulting that you just want to help them with their bags, or have a short conversation just so you can have a closer look or check if there's a flaw.

If you base Love on beauty alone, what would happen if the beauty fades? What would happen when women get older, get wrinkly and flabby? Morbidly, what if the face gets distorted in an accident? Would you still stay? We are aware of "My girlfriend's not hot anymore" and "Losyang na kasi ang asawa ko (and he cheats on her)" that ended relationships. Very sad but true. The one thing you Loved was her physical beauty, and when it faded you have no reason to Love her anymore and you tend to find another. What happened to some guys who were deceived by beauty? Don't let me get started on "Babe, you were so pretty, I never thought you were a guy"

Men, Women appreciates that you appreciate her physical appearance, They appreciate when you tell them "You're beautiful", but what they really want you to appreciate is her heart. For women, It's always what inside that counts. A woman would Love you to Love her for who she is, not for how she looks. Appreciate her beauty and stop. Going beyond that can lead you to lust. Sometimes, you have to cover your eyes to see the genuine things. It's not wrong to approach her, ask for her name, or have a conversation with her as long as you set your motives right. Know her beyond her looks. She would highly appreciate that. According to research, Women outlive men. Do not worry that no one's reserved for you. God made a lot of beautiful women and I'm sure one will end up with you. 

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." --Proverbs 31:30

Please do not come soon,
'Cos I know it's not yet time.
You know this is really serious
And it shouldn't be rushed
My heart is still weak
And it is still being molded
So continue to be idle
Continue to slumber
I am not ready to attach
This missing rib of yours.

"Wait a lil' longer,
I am still preparing for
the right time for us."

"I don't want you to just adore me or like me,
I want you to Love me
'Cause I don't just adore or like you,
I Love you..
And this I take seriously."

Ang Text

Karaniwang gabi. Nakahiga ka habang pumipindot sa cellphone, nakiki-WIFI sa kapitbahay, nagbabasa ng iyong timeline. Biglang nag-vibrate ang cellphone mo. May natanggap kang mensahe. 'Sos, 8888 lang 'yan. O baka nanalo ka na naman sa isang promong hindi mo sinalihan. 'Di ka rin nakatiis. Tinignan mo. OWWMYGOLLY! Nagtext SIYA! "Good Evening" na may tatlong tandang padamdam. Galit ata 'yan. May smiley din na walang ilong. Shocks. Wala ka palang load. Di ka naman kasi nagloload pero dali-dali kang naghanap ng barya at nagpaload sa pinakamalapit na tindahan. Malayo pala ang tindahan. Nabasa ka tuloy ng ulan kasi wala kang payong. Pero ayos lang sa'yo. Sabi mo, "Anong i-rereply ko?", nagreply ka ng "Good Evening din sa'yo :-)". Wala na siya dahilan para sumagot kasi hindi ka na nagtanong, pero umaasa ka pa rin na magrereply siya. 30 seconds..Naiinip ka na. Huwag ka namang excited. 3 minutes, toot-toot! May nagtext pero hindi siya. Dismayado ka. Isang kaibigang mapang-asar lang pala. Nainis ka pero nagreply ka naman. To kill the time nga naman. Toot-toot! Nagreply na SIYA.."Ano gawa mo? :)". Nagreply ka ng "Uhm wala naman. hehe. ikaw? hehe :-D". Para ka'ng baliw. Toot-toot! Nagreply SIYA! Sabi niya, "Uhm wala din hehe". Nagreply din si Kaibigang Mapang-asar. Siyempre inuna mo SIYA. Nagreply ka talaga kahit walang sense ang sinabi makapagreply lang. "Hehe. Ikaw talaga ______". Boom. Nilagay mo pa ang pangalan niya. Hindi mo alam na kay Kaibigang Mapang-asar mo ito naisend. Nabuko ka tuloy. Oh my, nagreply si Kaibigang Mapang-asar. "Kapag SIYA ba ka txt mo lagi kang nag rereps at nagloload?!! hahahahahahaha". Patay ka. Bakit kasi ganyan ka na? Dati ang tamad mo magtext. Hindi ka nagloload. Dati naiipon lang ang laman ng inbox mo at isang linggo ang buhay ng baterya mo. Ano na ang nangyayari sa'yo? Wait, nagtext ulit SIYA. "Kumain ka na ba?". Nangiti ka. Hoy, huwag kang assumera. Malamang 'yan din ang sinend niya sa sampu niya pang katext ngayon. O baka naman 'yan talaga ang script niya. Nagreply ka. "Diet ako e, hihi :-D". Honglondeeh mo 'te! Nagtext ulit si Kaibigang Mapang-asar. Alam niya na ang sikreto mo wala ka ng kawala. Nagreply ka ng "Sige, Aral muna ako" kahit hindi naman talaga. Ayaw mo lang ng istorbo, kasi nagugulat na may kasamang pananabik ang bawat pagnginig ng cellphone mo. Nagreply parin siya. Wala paring kwenta ang reply niya. "Hehehe. Cge2." Pero maswerte ka parin, kasi hindi bastos na "K." ang natanggap mo.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Ano ba 'yan. Sayang lang ang pinaload mo. Nabawasan lang ang battery mo. Nainis ka lang. Wala parin talagang tatalo sa pakikipag-usap ng personal. Makikita ang tunay na emosyon. Ang tunay na motibo. Ang tunay na intensyon. Ang tunay na gustong ipahiwatig ng isang tao. Ang text, hindi. Malabong Usapan. Mga Ungas. Mabuti pa kunin mo nalang ang libro mo. Buksan mo at mag-aral ka. May quiz pa kayo bukas.

He is Jealous For Me :'-)

I'm not the "jealous" type of person. Believe me, I don't easily feel that. Or maybe I feel that, It's just that I have somehow learned to ignore that feeling. I can be jealous whenever my mother happily talks to my sister and ignores me. I can be jealous when someone is so clingy with my best friend. When you feel jealous, you feel that something is taken away from you and you don't want it to happen, of course. It's a very unpleasant feeling. A simple feeling of jealousy can lead to a serious feeling of hatred, betrayal, and regret. Some people has been involved in crimes because of jealousy. I hate being jealous, and I know you hate it too.

But how does is it feel to be the one to be jealous about? You feel special, right? It assures you that you mean so much to someone. If you're going to ask me, I really don't know. I've never heard of someone who feels jealous because of me. I've never experienced that...

Not until I found out that He is jealous for me :'-) <3

Yes He is, He is jealous. With teary eyes, I just realized that. He's jealous when I open my eyes in the morning and not think of Him first. He's jealous whenever I listen to Maroon 5's new album rather than Him. He's jealous whenever I spend a lot of time talking to other people and he only got me talking to Him for 5 minutes. He's jealous whenever I read my news feed and timelines so much rather than His words. He's jealous whenever I'm so occupied with all the recreation I fancy. He is really jealous. Why? because He said He loves me. He loves me very much.

And this Man I know loves me more than anyone in this world. His love for me weighs much more compared to all the love I get from all the people I know. That is true, I can feel it.

And Yes, He loves you too. God loves you too. God is jealous, He doesn't want you to be too much occupied with anything or anyone. He always wants you to be close to Him. But never take God's jealousy negatively. He is not like us humans. He is jealous because He just wants us not to be far from Him. He wants us to always be under His blessings and His care. He created us, He cares for us, He loves us. If you think that nobody cares for you, God cares for you and He loves you. And that Love is something so significant that nothing can compare to that, even all the love in the world.

Just imagine how much sadness we feel whenever we are jealous of a single person. Painful, isn't it? How much more the feeling God gets everyday when billions of people (that includes you and me) ignore Him?


God is a jealous God, and He wants your Undivided heart, Because He loves You.

"Father, When you wake me up in the morning, The first person I will think of is You. Sorry for the times that you are just my second, third, fourth and so on priority. Thank You for loving me so much despite everything I've done that pains You. I will love You back."