This pain that I feel will push me to become better.

                     
                                                                                                                                 
 
                                                                                                                 25th of December '12
                                                                                                                  5:26AM
                                                                                                       
Dear Jesus,
         Happy Birthday! Woohoo! I'm not going to ask You about Your age ‘cause You always look young and handsome to me despite the fact that I haven’t seen You yet and that’s not what we are going to talk about. How’s Your birthday, by the way? We don’t know the exact date or time of Your birth and it has been a debatable topic ever since but let us celebrate it today, I know You won’t mind.
         I am thrilled with the idea that the whole world is throwing You a party. Isn't that so cool? I can only imagine how many cakes have been baked for You and the number of wine bottles served for You on every dining table. Maybe they’re not as elegant as the wine You miraculously prepared at a wedding in Cana but I know You’ll appreciate them anyway.
          However, there’s a feeling in my heart that I keep inside. I know You are aware of it and You know the very reason for it. Sorry, I’m so dramatic but it just saddens me whenever I see people celebrate Christmas without You or more specifically, Your birthday. The enemy strikes twice as hard, ruining Your birthday. People are throwing endless Christmas parties and You’re not even invited. There are a lot of presents for everyone but You didn't even receive one. I didn't get to open any present too, but that’s fine because it’s not my birthday anyway. It makes me wonder how You have felt about that. During Christmas dinner, people stuff themselves with food and there’s nothing wrong with that. But couldn't they pray first? Or should I consider taking pictures of the food and posting it on Instagram the new “grace before meals”? Little children, my little sister and cousins not spared, know Santa Claus more than they know You. Santa can’t fit in chimneys, and we don’t even have a chimney! And please, don’t let me get started on some people who chose to be sad this season because their love life is zero. There are blankets available everywhere!
        Sorry Jesus for all these rants, this is what I feel inside and You know it. However, I know that even though all these things sadden You, You understand. You will always understand because you love us unconditionally. I know there are still a lot of people who has the same heart as I have and we will always be grateful for Christmas. Christmas is the only time where I see many people get so kind and loving, the whole world is filled with love. Christmas is also an opportunity to share and bless others. Christmas is the time where we enjoy marvellous display of lights across the neighbourhood and the cities. Christmas is also a time to be with our families and loved ones, making up for the days, weeks, and months that we haven’t seen each other. These things make us happy. But the most important reason why we are grateful for Christmas is because it’s Your birthday. You came into this world as a baby boy lying in a manger to be our Saviour, our King, and for this reason our hearts are overjoyed and that’s priceless.         Jesus, let me give You a big, long,warm hug. Happy Happy Birthday. When You return we can already celebrate Your birthday together and it will be the best birthday bash ever! I love You so much.                                                                                                 

                                                                                                                           Love always,

                                                                                                                           Mic-mic:-)

Doomsday

If the world is going to end today, I will be thrilled to know where  you are at. I want to be with you. I want to face the end with you.

As the meteor strikes and this planet starts to shake, grab my hand and let us search for a safe place to stay. I hope by this time you have an amazing doomsday prepping idea in mind. Protect me from the killer waves of the approaching tsunami as it attacks our city.  Thunderstorms, volcanic eruption and more natural disasters will surely hit this earth but despite all that I will feel secure inside your warm, protective embrace and the words you whisper to my ear kiss my fears away and assure me that we will survive this together, for we have each other.

After the attacks of nature I guess we're still alive, and our grumbling stomachs can attest to that. It's time for some food hunting and scavenging. You're the funniest guy ever, giving me every chocolate bar in the grocery store 'cause the manager didn't survive. You seem very happy that I was still all smiles, of course, I deserve to smile 'cause I have you on my side. But wait, didn't you hear that? Footsteps, approaching footsteps. Thank God, other survivors! No, wait. They don't look like survivors. Those are unusual footsteps. Uh-oh, Zombies! We saw this coming, just like in the movies. I suck in running, you know that. So you carried me on your back. Wow, you are really strong! But seriously, are we laughing while running? We are such crazy people. Other people will be amazed of the sense of security we both give each other. Oops, I was reminded that we are the only ones left and these zombies on an insane brain diet. Oh God, please help us. Next thing, the ground shook and the soil was divided. Zombies were wiped out. Hooray.

It was dark all over and the only visible light is the shimmering of our eyes. The earth was a total wipe out and we are the last two standing. I will hold your hand and you will lock it into mine, just a perfect fit, you will come near me and give me the warmest embrace ever, and I will feel this peace in my heart that you will never leave me. We look up in the sky and thank God that he didn't let the world end without getting us to meet first. We survived the end of the world together, and I don't think is the end of the world yet, 'cause we feel like it just started.

Beauty Queen

If its impossible to qualify
For a beauty pageant tonight
Just let me be seen
As your beauty queen.
As I walk through the crowd
I will feel very proud
with my worn out sneakers
instead of high heel killers
No make-up on the face
Nothing but a sweet grimace
No silky, flowing hair
Long legs, I'm spared of a pair
I don't even have a gown
But never will I frown
I got more than a crown
'Cause you never let me down
Despite expectations unmet
Your support, I'll always get
With your love so pure
I'll never get insecure
Many will be on the spotlight
But I'm your sole star shining out so bright
And In your heart I'll always be seen
'Cause I'm your one and only beauty queen.

Dear Future Boyfriend,

Hey :-))))) Just so you know, I thought about you today, I thought about you yesterday, the other day, the day before the other day and so on. Insane, isn't it? Don't be too happy 'cause I don't feel happy about this. This bothers me a lot. Maybe you didn't think about me as much as I do and that is good to hear. I expect you to be strong in this waiting phase thing. You know what,  something tells me that it's okay to be with you now. I'm 20, it's not like I'm a restricted 13 year old. However, there's also something that tells me to wait for the right time. But really, when is the right time coming? Am I going to wait for 4,5, 6 years or more? I'm getting a little impatient and it isn't right. I dread that I'd start envying sweet couples and worse, I might search for you when I should be the one waiting. In fact, you wouldn't like it when I pursue you right? You will pursue me, gentleman.

I find it funny to write you this letter, It's like my wisdom went on a vacation. I got it back now, thank God. Dear, this is a serious matter. I know it will be great if we meet but it's only great if it's in the right time. Imagine the great risk we will put our hearts in to when we force things to happen. Sorry for being a little impatient, and whenever you feel the same way just hold on to the wisdom that God provided for us and to the grace that makes us more patient. I'm okay now, I know you have prayed for me. Thanks. I will wait, and that's a promise.

Love,

Your Future Girlfriend

For three hours I've been trying to write you a poem, or an essay, or anything but I guess there are no words that could describe what I feel right now. So let me just run to you and hug you so tight, so tight that I can already feel and hear your heartbeat. That way, you should know how I feel right now.

I really wonder why I met you, why you met me, among everybody else in this huge world. I wonder why and how our paths crossed. I’m quite amazed by that fact, actually. Slowly, as I get to know you I see how we are similar in a lot of ways—the way we talk, the cute stumbling and jumbling of our words. The way we act and react like our simple exchange of playful punches, pinches, poking and whatnot. Our interests like reading, dreams of becoming a doctor, and to travel around the world. The way we view things, the way you are appreciative like me. The things we believe in. The things where we put our heart in to. The things that make us happy. I can still enumerate more and it reveals a spine-tingling fact that we are almost similar in everything. It’s as if we have the same mind, same heart, same soul. Have I found my soulmate? Is it you?

Most of the time it's really best to cry

Let the tears flow as if your eyes will run dry

The pain inside you makes you want to die

Don't worry, the pain will soon say its goodbye.

What I want to do

Is to run towards you and

Receive a big hug

Sige, Iyak lang

Huminga ng malalim

Sige, Iyak pa.

Scrolling up and down,  seeing photos, stuck on a page, stopped. Saw something that gave me chills tonight. I feel weak, felt fear, felt pressure, anxiety, depressed..name them. I was really scared. I stared at the laptop screen. I started to worry.

I'm overwhelmed with the feeling that I can not do this and that because I'm incapable of doing so. I am unfit. I am not worthy. Then I just remembered that in this battle I was never alone. I should not be afraid. I should not fear. Because there's someone out there who is greater than anyone else in this world. Someone who can provide everything for me. Someone who has won the victory for me. I still a feel a bit of fear in my heart because the battle I'm facing is too much for me, but as I've said: I am never alone. God is here :'-)

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. 
--Isaiah 43:2 NLT 

There are girls,
Pretty Girls,
All glammed up
From head to toe.

With 3-inch high-heels,
Mini skirt,
Tiny waists,
Plunging Neckline,

Cherry Lips,

Nose Lines,

Batting Eyelashes,
Contoured Eye,
Silky Straight Hair

And there I am,

Slouchly standing
From head to toe,
With worn out sneakers,
Washed out Jeans

Love Handles,

Plain big t-shirt

Unruly hair
With nothing on the face

but a few beads of sweat
Yet among the all these girls,

I am the one
You consider beautiful :-)

I can assure him, her, that person over there, the person beside me, myself and of course, you that I am already over you. It is just that it feels so awkward whenever we are together in the same place. I feel like my movements are so limited to the point that I just want to be immobile until you leave, not to mention you trying to make a conversation with me and putting a stupid, smiling face. That's really annoying, don't you know that? Maybe this is due to the fact that I moved forward and just got used to you not being with me and not seeing you for a long time. Don't worry. I'll got used to this very soon and when I see you, It'll be just like the same feeling I get whenever I see anybody else.

Di mo lang alam

Nag-aalala ako

Ng sobra sayo

One thing I really hate
Is that you consume my time
Thinking of you,
wondering about you,
worrying about you,
how have you been,
if you have been eating,
if you have slept well,
if you are okay,
And then I will realize
The awful, hurtful fact
That you never ever even
thought of me
for even a single minute
for even a single second
for ever.

I’m happy about the fact that I am fully able to talk to those people who has hurt me in the past. I mean, It’s really hard to do that. Greeting them on their birthdays, replying to their texts, saying “Hello” when you bump into them, being able to speak and even say nice memories when I’m asked about them. It’s not easy, but managing to face them with courage and a smile in your face shows how you’ve grown so much since they left. It also shows how you got better that you can even remember them with a smile on your face with no trace of bitterness whatsoever. It shows how you’ve moved on and ready to face new chapters with a brand new you.

It's sad to realize that I got used to holding on to your arms..arms that is not so big nor small just enough for me to hold on to. I am sad that whenever I'm not holding on to it I feel weak and helpless. It felt as If there's something missing, like missing a part of my anatomy. I would trip, fall, and stumble. It's sad that I can't hold on to it now. I miss the time that you make your arms available, but I will suppress myself from holding on to it, 'cause I'm still unsure if you really ever made your arms open for me.

I have written for what seems to me
the perfect structure,
the perfect rhyme,
the perfect rhythm,
the perfect syllabication of words
about how I feel.
But I chose not to publish it.
You'll never read it anyway.

Nais ko nang mahimbing
Ngunit ako'y nananatiling gising
Sa isip mo ba'y ako'y nasa iyong piling?
At inaasam-asam ang aking paglalambing?

Huwag mo naman ako masyado isipin
Baka ika'y magsawa't mawala ang pagtingin
Nais ko lamang na sa iyo'y sambitin,
Wag mangamba, ika'y iniisip ko rin.

Kaunting oras na lamang at umaga na,
Nakatingin sa langit sa bukas na bintana
Iniisip kung ano ang ating tadhana
At kung sa dulo'y haharap ba tayo sa dambana

Mahirap intindihin ang nagbubugsong damdamin
Ngunit mabuti na ito muna'y pigilin
Ipikit na ang mga mata, tayo ay manalangin
Nasa isip nati'y magkakatotoo din.

May tamang panahon, Huwag tayong maiinip
Sa ngayon tayo muna'y manatili sa ating mga isip
Tulog na, aking mahal, ang aking panghalip
Ako'y bibisita sa iyong panaginip

I'll always remember the words you said
That I should not be the one to fall first
'Cause it will prevent me from getting hurt
of the pain behind unrequited love.
Thanks for the advice, I'll keep this in mind.

:-(

Something brings me back to a memory. You and I were walking, with smiles on faces, happily enjoying each other's company. Fair skins were touched by the bright sunshine, making it a bit red and this resulted into giggles. I can sense it was a bit awkward for you and me. This was a first date. Yes, it was a date. I can see that you're really happy 'cause you can't seem to talk to me or even get near me when there are other people around. Honestly, I was enjoying your company as well. I was happy that's it's just you and I, not minding the chaperones following at the back. I was surprised you were talking this much, for you seldom talked. The way you gave compliments to me was cheesy but sweet. The way you gave opinions and reactions made me impressed. I don't know if you ever listened when I talked, it seems like you are so occupied with something. You smile all the time. Then suddenly, I was surprised with what you said. "Can we hold hands?". This made me chuckle a bit. You don't have to ask permission, but I appreciate you doing so. I responded with extending a hand and you held it perfectly. It was awesome and splendid. Despite the fact that you want to get rid of the chaperones I have, I can still sense that you are the happiest, and that makes me happy too.

What a beautiful memory to look back, isn't it? But this makes me sad and it really makes me wonder..

What if "I" was me?

Tatlong Salita

"Nababaliw ka na"

Sinasambit mo ito ng paulit ulit sa aking isip. Tatlong katagang madalas kong marinig mula sa'yo, at sa madalas mong pagsambit nito ito'y naging paborito mo na. Madalas mo itong sinasambit tuwing tayo ay magkasama, sa mga panahong kaya kong gawin ang lahat upang mapangiti ka lamang. Maging katawa-tawa, magmukhang tanga. Sa mga panahong nangigiti ako kapag kasama kita, kapag kausap ka, kapag nakatitig ka sa aking mga mata, ika'y takang taka at sasambitin ang mga salitang ito. Siguro nga tama ka, nababaliw na nga ako 'nun. Sana mas ninamnam ko ang tatlong salitang 'yun, baka sakaling mas nagising ako ng maaga. Palibhasa ibang tatlong salita ang nais kong marinig mula sa'yo. Tatlong salitang hinding hindi ko maririnig. Pero, paano kaya kung ang tatlong salita na nais kong marinig ay iyong naging paborito? Ano kaya ang ating estado? Masaya kaya tayo?

Salamat at 'di mo 'yun naging paborito. Totoo, walang biro. Hindi ko na naririnig ang pagsambit ng paborito mong mga salita, hindi ko rin naman hinahanap-hanap 'yun. Napapangiti na lamang ako sa mga nakaraan sa likod ng mga salitang 'yon, at sa aking pag-ngiti, hindi ako nababaliw, masaya lang ako. Dahil ako ay nabaliw ngunit natuto.

Ikaw? Nababaliw ka na ba?

Pag-ibig, Isang Patimpalak?

Ang aking pangarap

Pag-ibig mong mailap

Pinilit na mahagilap

At ikaw ay nahanap

Ngunit ako'y napatulala

Sitwasyon ko'y malala

Sapagkat aking naalala

Sayo pala'y maraming nakapila

Kumukuha ng iyong atensyon

Sumusugal ng emosyon

Nagbibigay ng panahon

Na tila ito'y kompetisyon

Sa dami ng sumusuyo

Ako ba'y dapat ng lumayo?

Mistula bang malayo

Ang pag-asang maging tayo?

Sa aking mga kalaban

Sa hugis ng pangangatawan

At sa kanilang kagandahan

Ako'y walang kalaban-laban

Ako ba'y susuko?

Ano ba ang laban ko?

Akin lamang maipapangako

Pag-ibig na hindi mapapako

Hindi ka magrereklamo

Iyon sana ang makita mo

Iyan ang aking pagsamo

Pag-asang nais matamo

Tila kalaba'y humahalakhak

Sa kabiguan, ako'y nasasadlak

Tanong ko lamang, sa aking pag-iyak

Pag-ibig nga ba'y isang patimpalak?

Nakakalungkot isiping

Pag-asa ko'y katiting

Ngunit sa puso ko'y hinihiling

Sa dami ng sayo'y nahuhumaling

Na kahit sila ay unahin

Ako'y di mawawala sa'yong paningin

Dahil ako ang iyong pipiliin

Pipiliin na mahalin.

At 'pag ako ang napili

Hindi ka na masasaktang muli

Mamahalin kita sa bawat sandali

Dahil sa puso ko, ika'y walang katunggali

Ano ba'ng laban ko

Sa mga nakapila

Papunta sa'yo?

The impossible

Will surely happen today

When you just believe

God hears your prayers

But He wants your confidence

Whenever you ask

It's hard to believe

That a person like me can

Be jealous like this.

How?

How can that person, who I used to see as common, mean so much to me right now? How can that person, who I seldom speak to, become a good listening ear? How can that person, who used to know nothing about me, knows me better than anyone else now? How can that person, who I used to smile at, become the best person to giggle with? How can that person, who I have never hang out with, become inseperable to me? How can that person, who used to be an acquaintance, become my bestfriend? How can that person, be you? How?

The future is bright

But like a star, it fades

If you don't shine right

I can't hardly wait
For the moment that I will
Only be with you

Amalayer? :-p

Lack of sleep, a yawn

Is such a shallow reason

To be silent and idle,

To spare a chuckle,

To fake a smile,

To talk for just a while,

To be mentally away,

To be not okay.

It's a sad, sweet lie

That you unbelievably buy

But I'll keep mum about this

this unjustified feeling, I'll dismiss

'Cause its just senseless

When you don't care any less.

I’ve learned to never assume nor conclude that a guy likes me unless he tells me. If he admits it, I would appreciate him for being man enough to tell and for being honest about his feelings, and thank him for seeing my value apart from all the girls who are better than me in a lot of aspects. If he never tells me, then I will assume that it’s just a friendly act. I don’t want to get my heart broken over an assumption or a feeling that never existed.

I was all smiles when you said that you're not turned off with me.

I blushed when you say you've missed me.

How long are we going to be like this?

Just when I thought everything is okay
I was slapped by the fact that isn't.
Maybe I just have to find solutions
And maybe pray for clear revelations
On how I'll address these situations.

I love piggy back rides
With me holding on tight
And you securing me
We enjoy each other
Crazily running and walking around
With tireless laughs
And huge smiles on our faces
With me feeling secured
Lifted by the love of my life
I'm happy for the fact that 
You delight in carrying me
No matter how heavy I am
No matter how tired you are
I promise I'll give you a ride as well
or I'll try to lose some weight
So you won't have a hard time
Carrying me around
'Cause I love the piggy back rides
And I love the fact that
It's you who's carrying me on your back 

“Let no one who loves be called altogether unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow.” 

― J.M. Barrie, The Little Minister

"I wanted to just lie in the couch with you, under the blankets, with a movie rolling, with me under your warm embrace, no kissing nor sex unlike the movies show us, just you and I embracing each other is already perfect, our laughs overpowering the pelting rain, the coldness of the weather beaten by the warmth of our hugs, you whispering the sweet words to me, I stare at your eyes, with tears of joy, and a sincere smile. I am happy :-)"

Dear Future Boyfriend,
          
               I just want you to know that recently, a lot has been looking for you. It’s funny, I know, for I haven’t even met you yet.  However, I didn’t feel pressure every time I’m asked about you. I just gave them a smile and say, “Let’s not hurry, I will introduce him to all of you soon” :-)
               
                But you know what, sometimes I wonder how it looks like or feels like when we are together now. How my friends or those curious people would react when they see me approaching..with you holding my hand. I wonder how you would respond to the warm and even the cold greetings. I hope you will just shrug it off, for there are always people who will raise their eyebrows on us. I hope that you are too happy that we are together to even mind that matter. I hope that you are happy that I am your girlfriend because you know, I’m more than happy that I am introducing you to do them as my boyfriend, my dearest.
                
                But for now, I think it’s best if you just sleep a little longer my dear. You know I’m still dealing with a lot of things right now and I bet you know that It’s not yet a good time for us to be together. I still got a lot to learn. You deserve the best my dear, and I would love to give that best to you. I’m not feeling any pressure whenever they look for you because I know this matter shouldn't be rushed. Let’s just concentrate first on what God wants us to focus on like our studies, families, responsibilities and of course, our relationship with Him. Let us continue to love Him more everyday and prepare our hearts. Let Jesus guard our hearts, for He is the Lord of our relationship.
                
                Writing this puts a huge smile on my face. I promise that I will protect my heart and save it for you.With God’s help, I will gladly wait and pray. And when the time comes that we’re already together, I believe the first person that will be the happiest mood is God, for His perfect will is for us to meet. That is really worth praying and waiting for, isn't it? So let me say, “See you soon, my dear <3”

                                                                                             With so much love,
                                                                                              Your Future Girlfriend <3
                                                                                                                                                                      

"Don't Fret, my Dear Friend..
I am opening my door,
I will let you in."

I enjoy conversations. I like to talk, I like to share. I like to hear certain stories from certain people. I absorb the shared information and reject insignificant ones. I like listening to their stories. We, whether we admit it or not, want to be heard as well and sometimes, we don't just need someone who will hear us; we want a particular person to listen to us. We save the stories, and we can't wait to tell that person. We wait patiently for the moment that we tell them, and wait for their reactions and when that splendid moment comes it'll be like as if a thorn has been pulled out from us. We have felt like breathing clean air, for being able to spill out the stories their responses was a sign of relief, a sign of joy that someone is willing to give a listening and a sympathizing ear. However it's not always like that. It's just depressing when we realize at the end of the day that we're the only ones who want that conversation, that they aren't as interested as we expect them to be. They don't care if you got into a fight with your mother, or how you haven't slept for days because of work, or how badly you want a haircut. They won't tell you, you'll just feel it along with their cold "Ohs" and "Okays" Because the awful truth is, they love that conversations, but like us they want a particular person to have it with them and sadly, it's not us.

Sudden Nocturnal Death Syndrome

I thank my God today

I'm still alive, I'm glad to say

I was aboutto pass away

But He chose for me to stay

My body is immobile

It won't move, it kept still

The nightmares, the fear I feel

I can't breathe, my efforts were futile

I wondered what would happen

If I was never awaken

My passing would be so sudden

And I will soon be forgotten

Awake, I stayed

And I continuously prayed

God will come, His arms laid

'Cause in saving, He never failed

Thank You, Lord, You are my saviour

I have survived the painful tremor

Staying alive is in my favour

The black dream got back its colour

Tonight, As I lay in my bed

I'm assured I'll be protected

Falling asleep, I will not dread

With God, I won't fear being dead

Everybody's going to leave but not an old friend. An old friend is undubitably gold but how could that be possible if s/he deserted a friend? Gold fades if it doesn't hone its value. It will be fading like a dust escalating beneath the wind until it's lost, hardly redeeming the value it once had.
--Charlie (geekycharlie)

L’amour est un mot à utiliser delicatement; 
delicatement, je te ferais des calins; 
calins, compliments; 
compliments sur ton beau visage, tes yeux de cristal et ta personalité d’ange; 
ange, mon ange; 
ange qui m’a choisi parmis tous les hommes;
homme, je suis le tiens;
tiens mon coeur, il n’y a qu’un mot pour decrire ce que j’éprouve;
j’éprouve l’amour.

-Anon.

Woke up in a state where I can barely describe If I'm okay or not. My temperature's really high but I feel cold. I feel something is pressing me in the chest, supressing my breathing. I was awake again and my sad thoughts loaded again. I closed my eyes and wished to sleep again, 'cause that is my escape. I am in a high fever but the sad thoughts is so much harder to bear. Physically, emotionally, I am sick. Popped a pill for the fever, but for the other one I know a pill could not ease it but to be patient enough to deal with it. I closed my eyes and said my prayers. I should get back to sleep now, and hope that tomorrow will be fine.

I will always be grateful to you for loving me. No amount of sweet words can describe how blessed I am to have met you, to have known you and to have you. You are the one who has seen the things in me beyond the superficial, for your Love is never based on that. You are the one who has seen my flaws, imperfection and shortcomings but you embraced them all. I have proved that your Love is genuine and priceless, and I will always be secure with it. So no matter how perfect the relationship of other people may seem, I would always stick with what we have, I will always stick with you. 'cause your Love is beyond perfect, and I'll always be a one lucky girl for that. And of course, I Love you too.

I Love you

Not because of what you can offer

And what you can give either

I just know I'll be Loved forever

By someone I'm grateful for.

I Love you

And this is never a bluff

But telling you is not enough

So even when times get rough

I'll always make you feel my Love

I Love you

For a million reason

In every change of season

And it will always be my mission

To prove this all to you

I Love you

Whatever happens between us

Whoever crosses our paths

Wherever life takes us

Remember, I Love you

Bad Day

Slept too long, Woke up with a gruesome feeling and sight. Planned to study, haven’t studied enough. Ate a lot, Hate myself for doing so. My little sister annoyed me so much. My brother murmuring at my words. My mother scolding us. The computer technician blaming my files for the computer’s slowness. Who are you to complain? I gave them all a look. A mean look but still thankful I didn’t shout at them or anything. Late for first period, Professor not in the mood. Rushed to do my homework for second class, Professor’s absent. This period sucks, I wish I was a boy. I wanted to see you, but you didn't show up. Had a fight with my best friend, when we just made up the other day. Forgot to cut my nails, I hurt someone. Bought Ice cream, It dripped on my hand, forgot my handkerchief. Wanted more than one Isaw but I only got enough for one. Went home early, Went upstairs, Did nothing. Mother forcing me to eat dinner, I don’t want to eat, Ate whatever’s on the table, only to find out it’s something I’m allergic to. My face itching all over, my hands on my lower abdomen. I feel sick, I threw up. Went upstairs again, I bumped my head on something. My throat is now itchy, I'm coughing hard. Opened the laptop, still slow. Searched for my faveband, Envied those who came to last night’s concert. Drank hot milk to make me sleep and still awake as an owl Spilled some hot milk on myself, I threw the empty cup. My brother getting the laptop from me, can't he see I'm using it? I want to shout out loud and cry. I loathe this day, I want to sleep, ‘cos this is just for today.

Location : Don Ramon, Quezon City,

A Visit To The Past

Sometimes when the present time is just too harsh on me and I am hurting a lot, I want to simply escape it and visit --the past.

I went under my bed, pulled that big black box that contains a lot of stuff of various kinds. One box contains my grade school pictures. What a fat kid I was then and still never lost weight. I remember my classmates who teased me "baboy" and "tabatchoy" and how I cried because I don't know how to defend myself. They're my friends now, by the way. I also saw some achievements I've kept, some ribbons and medals, and I wonder why I don't get one anymore. Another box contained memories of high school. Four crazy years. It amazes me that I have this collection of headbands, and how I adored rock bands then. One side of the box made my heart skipped a bit. My First Love, First heartbreak. It's just so funny that I've treasured a lot of things from my first Love. I’ve kept his mechanical pencil, his comb, even the ripped part of his school uniform. His simple doodles on a paper, even the wrappers of the food he gave me. This brings back a smile on my face, the feeling of being in love and how my heart was broken back then, how I wondered why we never ended up together and how happy I am that I have moved on and how happy I am that he's happy with his fiancée. Too bad we were too shy to have a picture together. As I went deeper in the box I saw more stuff. The toga cap I never returned and my corsage, letters from my high school best friend and some text messages from special people I've written down on a notebook. There are also yearly birthday messages that I really treasure. My pictures, looking innocent and young to the world and blaming stress for my appearance now. I somehow looked beautiful then. There are poetry, writings, and whatnot. I am happy that I have this personality, keeping things whether valuable or not to serve as a memento of special moments I will never forget. Everything I see reminds me of something and it brings me back from where it happened.

This is just the first box and I still have two more to dig but I stopped. I stopped not because these memories are too overwhelming to grasp. Everything may not contain a happy memory behind it, some of it was really heartbreaking but those were memories I learned to live with -- memories that make me sad for a while but make me happy that I have overcome it.

I stopped because I decided to go back to the present. As I go back, I still have my heart broken from some painful things of the world. However, having a visit to the past makes me realize that this present pain will become a memory of the past that I will visit in the future.

Ice Cream

I want ice cream. Badly. Really really badly. I don't care whether it's the one you can turn upside down, a regular sundae cone from my favorite fast food or that cheap old sorbetes. I just want ice cream..now.

Eating ice cream has never failed me. I don't know if I sound silly but ice cream helps me in a unique way. Whenever I'm sad, frustrated or depressed I rush to the nearest place where I can get it. It's better if I have my best friend, my ice cream buddy with me but there can be times that he's the very reason why I'm eating one. I hate it when it's like that, which makes me have another helping of Ice cream. I don't eat alone, but this ice cream habit of mine mostly happens when no one's available to give comfort to me, no one but sweet ice cream.

And as I consume that Ice cream I can feel its coldness, sweetness that removes the pain inside me for a while. As I eat it I remember how sad I am and why I'm eating one. Tears would fall from my eyes. I close my eyes as I take it slowly, slowly removing that painful feeling with that creamy state of the Ice cream. It's like people who wants to drink on sad days but Ice cream never gets you wasted and won't let you do anything you'll regret. I hate that I have to eat Ice cream but I love how comforting it is for me.

I just finished a cone. I know ice cream would never fix anything permanently and its effect is short-lived but somehow I would like to get another cone, another cup, another pint..just to numb myself for a while from all the hurt I'm feeling.

I was staring blankly in anger. No, I don't know if it was anger, dissapointment or frustration. My head aches from thinking. My stomach is growling. I can't hate anyone but I hate you.

State the obvious. Since we parted,everything has changed between the both of us. It's never like what used to be. I don't know with you, but I'm still in the process of forgetting and I'm having a hard time with you being silly pushing yourself again into my life. I don't know what you are really up to, but no matter what motive you have it's really rude of you to barge in just like that. You have hurt me more than once and I won't let it happen again.

If only I'm blunt enough to say this to your face I will really do, but once I'm in front of you I'm helpless. No, you can't say sweet compliments just like that, or unpermissably get my phone and read my sms, comment on my friends, or do sweet favors for me. It's sweet, but I can't appreciate it. You don't know how hard it is for me. It's like picking up the shattered pieces and there you are breaking it again.

Maybe, whether I like it or not, you'll still be involved with my life. The world is small and the worse is that you've been my world so you'll always be there. As long as you're alive I can't do anything about it but I won't kill you. I just want to ask a favor--Don't give me a hard time.

Dearest Future Boyfriend,

You know I have a lot of things to say to you and I don't know how to start but I'll start by saying thank you so much, because among all the woman here on earth it is I you chose to love. Thank you for pursuing me, for praying for me and for waiting for me. That really means a lot, you know.

When you come I will have someone who will understand me more than anyone else. Someone who is willing to give a listening ear when I talk and a speaking mouth when I'm silent. Someone who is willing to do the simplest things like waiting for me so that I won't eat alone, or doing the groceries with me. Someone who will be sensitive enough to see there's something wrong no matter how good I am in concealing it. Someone who can put up with all my flaws. Someone who will cover my eyes for things I should not see. Someone who knows how to hurt me but won't do it. Someone who will wipe away my tears. Someone that will surely reciprocate my love and that is you.

I don't know if I want you now in my life but maybe it's better if we don't meet yet. But one thing is for sure. I'm going to prepare and wait. You deserve the best. When you come, I'd be very happy. See you soon my dearest.

Love, Love, Love

Your Dearest.

A Letter to Someone Handsome

Dear,

It may seem that the world doesn't appreciate your physical being, but let me say that I'm the one who values it. You may not believe it, for what I show and tell you was the opposite. But now, let me say you are handsome. You are beautiful. Don't you know that a lot has already told you that compliment? Even my mother said you are. I just don't tell you 'cause it sounds really weird for me to do so.You know we don't converse that way and our friendship is like everyday scrutiny. Maybe that's how we love each other, haha. Now I'm telling you, with all my heart, you are handsome. You have good looks. You are the guy version of beauty and brains. Crush-worthy. Move over, Papa P. (Oh well that's too much haha!)

But my dear, there is something beyond that handsome face. Let me start on your talents. I always testify on how amazing you are when it comes to writing. You are a great writer. Whatever subject and form, you can always write. It's a great entropy of your life. Girls melt whenever they read your writings about love. It's obvious that I'm your biggest fan. You're also good in academics. Don't you know there are certain lessons that I can't understand unless you teach me? I learn a lot from you. The list goes on but the more significant thing you possess is a caring and genuine heart. You are the guy who live and love with all your heart and soul. A guy with humility and sincerity. I love the way you love and I always thought that your girlfriend will feel blessed having you. There are guys who can be more handsome or well-built than you but you have the best muscle you can brag about and that is your heart. I don't care whether you are handsome or not, even you're not a Mr. Pogi contestant, 'cause beyond the superficial is something great that I'm proud of. I'm not bestfriends with you just because you're a fair-skinned tall guy with a cute face that I always like to pinch. It's because you understand and know me better, and for who you are in totality. It's not always about the looks, 'cause it's never permanent. You are handsome and you have a great loving heart. Your future wife has hit the jackpot.

So my dear, do not belittle yourself. It's saddening when you do that. You are worth something great. You are "something". There's no barf bag and giggling as I make this for I am sincere. So handsome, go out and share your smile to the world. I'll always be the one to catch the flying tomatoes. (Just kidding)

Biggest Fan,

Maica D.

Location : Don Ramon, Quezon City,

Nagtatampo ako sa'yo. Alam mo ba 'yun? Siguro akala mo hindi ako matampuhin, madalas ko kasi itong itago o hindi ko inaamin. Pero ngayon aaminin ko nagtampo talaga ako.

Nasaktan ako e, alam mo naman diba? Nakita mo. Nakita mo ang mga patak ng luha sa aking mata na pilit kong itinago. Pero wala naman ata akong maitatago sa'yo, alam mo na ang lahat sa akin. Ikaw ang nakakakilala sakin ng buo. At dahil dun mas lalo ako nagtampo. Pakiramdam ko napabayaan ako. Pinabayaan mo akong mag-isa, alam mo naman na hindi ko gustong mapag-isa sa mga ganitong panahon. Wala kang obligasyon na samahan ako pero hindi ba dapat may gawin ka? Nasaan ka? Pakiramdam ko nawala ka bigla.

Oo nga naman, marami kang inaasikaso. Maraming naghahanap sa'yo at masyado kang abala para intindihin pa ang kadramahang kong ito. Pero alam ko kayang kaya mo akong intindihin kahit gaano ka pa ka-abala. Ayaw kong isipin na wala akong halaga sa'yo, kasi sabi mo mahalaga ako sa'yo pero sumagi 'yun sa isipan ko. Lalo akong nalungkot at naiyak sa mga naisip ko. Bakit ganun ka? Ayaw na muna kita kausapin.

Dito ko napag-isip isip na mahal pala talaga kita. Na kahit nagtatampo ako, hindi kita matiis. Kahit ayaw kita kausapin, mayroon nagtutulak sa akin na gawin 'yun. Hindi rin kita natiis. Kinausap din kita. Sinabi mo ang mga kailangan kong marinig. Napangiti ako. Naintindihan kita.Siguro ganito ang nararamdaman mo kapag ako naman ang hindi mo maramdaman. Ngayon alam ko na. Patawarin mo ako. Bati na tayo ha?

Dear Pillow

You don't know how much I value you. You mean so much to me. For others you were just a simple sleeping material and ignores you when they wake up. But for me you're something special. You have been a great absorber of all my emotions all these years. Whenever I'm lying down and I receive that particular sms, you are the one I'm slapping in excitement. I'm sorry, I can't contain the gladness I have. Whenever I'm really tired I long for you and you never fail to give me that certain comfort feeling that no other pillow can give. You can testify to the saddest days of my life. You have been absorbing all my tears. You were the one I hug so tight whenever I feel so depressed. I understand you can't hug back although I wish you could. I am contented with the fact that I have someone or something to hug just because I badly need one. It seems like you understand me and what I feel. I've been so comfortable with you that I find it hard to sleep without you. Thank you dear pillow, you have served me well for years and I'm looking forward for more years.

It was just really hard to digest everything that has happened. What she did was just so mean. I know I'm at fault but what gives her the right to do such thing? With all due respect I am mad at her. My apology was sincere.

I try hard to supress my tears. I was able to control it for a while but I really can't. I held my lecture handout and tried to read it but I never understood it. I was blank. I'm hurt. I appreciate my friends consoling me for a while. I want to speak, to let it all out but the place is not right. I don't want to cry in public. As I exit that building and escape the humiliation I've experienced I want to forget everything that has happened. The sudden attention. Her annoying voice. That judgmental faces. Everything repeats on my head. I feel crazy. I wish there's someone out there where I can let this out but no one's there. I felt more depressed. I went away. I rode the wrong jeepney. As I sit I burst into tears and tried my best to hide it. The guy on my left and right noticed. It seems like the guy on the right wants to console me. I would appreciate if he does. The jeepney dropped me off and I forgot my change. I almost got hit when I crossed the street. The heavy rain suddenly poured down. I did not run for cover. I just walked and let the rain mix with my sad tears. I've had enough today. I can't take it anymore. I can't wait for tomorrow.

I love it when you hug me, 'cause whenever you hug me I feel secured. I love it when I'm inside that embrace and I can feel your heartbeat in tune with mine. I love the piggy back rides. It's like you're bringing me back to my childhood and letting me experience it again. I love it when you carry me. It's like being weak and there you are strong enough to lift me up. I love those funny faces of yours. It never fails to cheer me up. I love the times when you feed me. It sounds funny but that's really sweet. You make dinner a hundred times better. I love it when you hold my hand and lock it with yours. It's amazing that our hands fit perfectly with each other. Maybe God really designed it to be like that. I love when you do these little things and I wish you won't get tired of  for these little things that you do makes me fall in love more and more each day.

My Dearest,

When the world turns its back on me, I yearn for that very single person that will understand me perfectly. When the world doesn't make sense, when no one understands me, when everyone is too insensitive to see the pain in me, I wonder where you are and why I haven't met you yet. I really want to know you, I really do. I know you're the who can understand me more than anyone else in this world. I know you're the one I can share the insides of my heart. I hope I can have you in my life right now.

However, I need to be a little more patient. You can't come yet. We still need time. For the mean time, I'll just put up with everything, all the hurt, the pain, and the like. God won't leave me anyway. I hope you'll be more patient as well. Patience is a virtue. I'll keep on praying for you.

Love, Love, Love,
Your Dearest :-)

Failing

A failure is depressing
And it seems humiliating
The results are frustrating
And away, some end up passing

But there's something with failing
that most people are missing
It is a new learning
That you'll consider a blessing

Failing is not quitting
It is a start of better sowing
and thriving and reaping
That will make us a better being

So never stop hoping,
Never stop striving
'Cause behind our struggling
there's someone out there helping

Thank You Father that I'm failing
Your plans are always pleasing
Failing is just a bitter beginning
Success is the sweet ending

Not the First One

If I'm not the first one you think of when you wake up,
It won't ruin my day.
If I'm not the first one you turn to when you are in trouble,
I won't be hurt
If I'm not the first one that makes you happy,
I won't be sad
If I'm not the first one you seek when you need help,
I won't be offended
If I'm not the first one who makes you jump in excitement,
I won't be jealous
If I'm not the first one you prioritize,
I won't be mad
If I'm not the first one who makes you cry,
I won't weep
If I'm not the first one you adore,
I won't be insecure
If I'm not the first one you are grateful for,
I won't feel insignificant
If I'm not the first one you Love,
I won't feel betrayed
It's okay If I'm not your only one..
As long as God is your First one,
I would always love to be the Second one.

- Daniel Handler

"Why We Broke Up"

"I am exhausted

Will you hold my hands now and

let me fall asleep."

- Charles Moses Rangel

"I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning."
- Charlie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

"You don't have a clue

How I'm grateful to have you
In my life right now"

This certain day of the year has come again. I really hate it. It's the day when you have to leave...

I remember when I was little, I used to dread this certain day. I would highly anticipate what I will do, how I will react or how I would escape this day but I can never do that. I never liked it when you start putting your clothes and the rest of your stuff in that big old blue suitcase. I really want to go inside so you can bring me without any passport or plane ticket. You said I can't because I'm a fat kid. I hate it when you take us out for lunch just so you can formally say goodbye. I don't like it when you're leaving the next day and you will seriously talk to us and let us say something. I can't hold back my childhood tears. I find sleeping (or feigning sleep) as a quick escape, making my hotdog-shaped pillow absorb all the tears. More than a decade has passed and I'm 20 now. Nothing has changed, really. My hotdog-shaped pillow's still exists, I still want to fit  inside that suitcase. I still can't hold back my tears. I haven't got used to it and I guess I'll never do. This separation anxiety never left me.

I still wonder why it always has to be like this. Obviously, It's really hard to grow up without you. It's sad that you missed a lot of Christmases, Birthdays, Graduations and the like. There are times when I wanted to rush home to let you see the star at the back of my hand but you're not here. There are times when I wished you can talk to that rude classmate who annoys me but still you're not here. I can't blame you, for I know this isn't your fault at all. I thought of ways on how I can let you stay, like finding a job to help or getting scholarships but it was not as easy as it sounds. I blamed the government, the president, corruption, recession, but it always ended with just letting you leave. Yes, I understand. It was for our own good. But how can this be good? It was painful for me and it pains me more to realize that it was harder for mother, for the family, and for you, of course. You have to leave us, you'll be alone in the middle of the sea with your co-workers you have no idea how bad or good they are. You're very far and have no clue of what is happening with our everyday. That is really torture.

However, this is the sad reality of life that we have to accept. Sorry for my rants. It's just that I'll miss you so much. You know how we get along well and how we are similar in a lot of ways. I'll miss everything about you. I'll miss our talks. I'll miss how we become partners-in-crime to tease mother and I'll miss you defending me from her. I'll miss you scolding me for forgetting little things like switching off the lights and locking the doors. I'll miss watching basketball 'cos I only watch when you're around..and I'll also miss the actual games. I'll miss you teasing me how bad I am with my tagalog words and how you laugh hysterically when I commit that mistake. I'll miss your laugh whenever I accidentally kiss you several times before going to school because I forget that I have kissed you already. (But I won't miss the rash on my face and will forever hate that beard). I'll miss the advises and the tips. I'll miss your stories. I'll miss everything, huge or small. The house is never the same without you.

As I make this one, you are too busy packing your stuff in that big old blue suitcase again. I can sense the sadness as I stare at the scene. I would still like to fit myself in that suitcase. I still can't hold back my tears. Do not worry, Daddy. 2 years more. I'm not gonna make you leave again, ever.

"Sometimes it hurts so much to Love
It's so much easier to hate
To never have Loved at all
To never have known Love
Than to walk around in this state
To think of you incessantly
To want to feel your touch
and the castle of your embrace
To hear those words
That you Love me just as much
I would be a fool to anticipate
A fool not to hate
Because it hurts too much too Love
It's a non-physical torture
To Love and be in Loved with you."

- Charles Moses Rangel

You don't know how much I miss you everyday. When I wake up in the morning, after I have said my morning prayers I wonder if you are already awake or still dreaming. When I drink my daily hot chocolate, I would imagine myself sharing it with you. I would Love to make heart-shaped pancakes just for you. In the afternoon, after I have done all the household chores I'm asked to do, I would feel you rubbing the top of my head with your hand. I'd always Love it when you do that. Please do it often. Whenever someone's annoying me or at times that I'm almost losing my patience, I would think of you consoling me. On sad days, you'll allow me to make fun of you just to make me laugh. In the wee hours, whenever I force myself to study I will think of you sitting beside me playing with my calculator. That would make me smile. I would Love you to be there to motivate me, and when I'm tired you'll let me lean on your shoulder and fall asleep in your arms.

As much as I hated phone conversations I would still Love to have one with you. I want you to know how my day has been. I want to know how yours went, too. I want to listen to you as you rant how exhausting your day has been, how annoyed you were with your sibling and how you almost lost your temper. Then we'll just laugh it off. What matters is I've heard the most relaxing sound in the world and that is your voice. I want to hear more from you and I want to hear you say that you miss me as much as I do.

"Ipakilala mo naman ako sa kanya, Ang GANDA niya kasi"

This crazy guy almost knelt as he pleads for me to respond to his heed. He really likes to get near to this Maganda. Tsk. Tsk. I refused, by the way.

I really loathe the fact that most guys nowadays are like this. They think its cool to meet a girl who really looks good. "Pare, I met her na. Her name's Anna. Chicks Pre. I should ask her out!" and "Make a move! tapos pakilala mo rin ako"

Don't get me wrong. Girls are happy whenever their beauty is appreciated, but girls don't want guys to just look at the outside features. There is always something beyond the outside appearance and women wants you to see that as well. She would Love you to be interested that she's a bookworm and she'd Love to know that you're also waiting for another J.K. Rowling hit. She would Love you to be interested to hear how she sings, or how she cooks a mean adobo, or how she performs well in her academics. She would Love you to be interested on the things she does. I guess it's nature for women to make themselves look attractive because men are visual, but it doesn't stop there. Don't you know that women are offended whenever you see the beauty alone? It's kind of insulting that you just want to help them with their bags, or have a short conversation just so you can have a closer look or check if there's a flaw.

If you base Love on beauty alone, what would happen if the beauty fades? What would happen when women get older, get wrinkly and flabby? Morbidly, what if the face gets distorted in an accident? Would you still stay? We are aware of "My girlfriend's not hot anymore" and "Losyang na kasi ang asawa ko (and he cheats on her)" that ended relationships. Very sad but true. The one thing you Loved was her physical beauty, and when it faded you have no reason to Love her anymore and you tend to find another. What happened to some guys who were deceived by beauty? Don't let me get started on "Babe, you were so pretty, I never thought you were a guy"

Men, Women appreciates that you appreciate her physical appearance, They appreciate when you tell them "You're beautiful", but what they really want you to appreciate is her heart. For women, It's always what inside that counts. A woman would Love you to Love her for who she is, not for how she looks. Appreciate her beauty and stop. Going beyond that can lead you to lust. Sometimes, you have to cover your eyes to see the genuine things. It's not wrong to approach her, ask for her name, or have a conversation with her as long as you set your motives right. Know her beyond her looks. She would highly appreciate that. According to research, Women outlive men. Do not worry that no one's reserved for you. God made a lot of beautiful women and I'm sure one will end up with you. 

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." --Proverbs 31:30

Please do not come soon,
'Cos I know it's not yet time.
You know this is really serious
And it shouldn't be rushed
My heart is still weak
And it is still being molded
So continue to be idle
Continue to slumber
I am not ready to attach
This missing rib of yours.

"Wait a lil' longer,
I am still preparing for
the right time for us."

"I don't want you to just adore me or like me,
I want you to Love me
'Cause I don't just adore or like you,
I Love you..
And this I take seriously."

Ang Text

Karaniwang gabi. Nakahiga ka habang pumipindot sa cellphone, nakiki-WIFI sa kapitbahay, nagbabasa ng iyong timeline. Biglang nag-vibrate ang cellphone mo. May natanggap kang mensahe. 'Sos, 8888 lang 'yan. O baka nanalo ka na naman sa isang promong hindi mo sinalihan. 'Di ka rin nakatiis. Tinignan mo. OWWMYGOLLY! Nagtext SIYA! "Good Evening" na may tatlong tandang padamdam. Galit ata 'yan. May smiley din na walang ilong. Shocks. Wala ka palang load. Di ka naman kasi nagloload pero dali-dali kang naghanap ng barya at nagpaload sa pinakamalapit na tindahan. Malayo pala ang tindahan. Nabasa ka tuloy ng ulan kasi wala kang payong. Pero ayos lang sa'yo. Sabi mo, "Anong i-rereply ko?", nagreply ka ng "Good Evening din sa'yo :-)". Wala na siya dahilan para sumagot kasi hindi ka na nagtanong, pero umaasa ka pa rin na magrereply siya. 30 seconds..Naiinip ka na. Huwag ka namang excited. 3 minutes, toot-toot! May nagtext pero hindi siya. Dismayado ka. Isang kaibigang mapang-asar lang pala. Nainis ka pero nagreply ka naman. To kill the time nga naman. Toot-toot! Nagreply na SIYA.."Ano gawa mo? :)". Nagreply ka ng "Uhm wala naman. hehe. ikaw? hehe :-D". Para ka'ng baliw. Toot-toot! Nagreply SIYA! Sabi niya, "Uhm wala din hehe". Nagreply din si Kaibigang Mapang-asar. Siyempre inuna mo SIYA. Nagreply ka talaga kahit walang sense ang sinabi makapagreply lang. "Hehe. Ikaw talaga ______". Boom. Nilagay mo pa ang pangalan niya. Hindi mo alam na kay Kaibigang Mapang-asar mo ito naisend. Nabuko ka tuloy. Oh my, nagreply si Kaibigang Mapang-asar. "Kapag SIYA ba ka txt mo lagi kang nag rereps at nagloload?!! hahahahahahaha". Patay ka. Bakit kasi ganyan ka na? Dati ang tamad mo magtext. Hindi ka nagloload. Dati naiipon lang ang laman ng inbox mo at isang linggo ang buhay ng baterya mo. Ano na ang nangyayari sa'yo? Wait, nagtext ulit SIYA. "Kumain ka na ba?". Nangiti ka. Hoy, huwag kang assumera. Malamang 'yan din ang sinend niya sa sampu niya pang katext ngayon. O baka naman 'yan talaga ang script niya. Nagreply ka. "Diet ako e, hihi :-D". Honglondeeh mo 'te! Nagtext ulit si Kaibigang Mapang-asar. Alam niya na ang sikreto mo wala ka ng kawala. Nagreply ka ng "Sige, Aral muna ako" kahit hindi naman talaga. Ayaw mo lang ng istorbo, kasi nagugulat na may kasamang pananabik ang bawat pagnginig ng cellphone mo. Nagreply parin siya. Wala paring kwenta ang reply niya. "Hehehe. Cge2." Pero maswerte ka parin, kasi hindi bastos na "K." ang natanggap mo.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Ano ba 'yan. Sayang lang ang pinaload mo. Nabawasan lang ang battery mo. Nainis ka lang. Wala parin talagang tatalo sa pakikipag-usap ng personal. Makikita ang tunay na emosyon. Ang tunay na motibo. Ang tunay na intensyon. Ang tunay na gustong ipahiwatig ng isang tao. Ang text, hindi. Malabong Usapan. Mga Ungas. Mabuti pa kunin mo nalang ang libro mo. Buksan mo at mag-aral ka. May quiz pa kayo bukas.

He is Jealous For Me :'-)

I'm not the "jealous" type of person. Believe me, I don't easily feel that. Or maybe I feel that, It's just that I have somehow learned to ignore that feeling. I can be jealous whenever my mother happily talks to my sister and ignores me. I can be jealous when someone is so clingy with my best friend. When you feel jealous, you feel that something is taken away from you and you don't want it to happen, of course. It's a very unpleasant feeling. A simple feeling of jealousy can lead to a serious feeling of hatred, betrayal, and regret. Some people has been involved in crimes because of jealousy. I hate being jealous, and I know you hate it too.

But how does is it feel to be the one to be jealous about? You feel special, right? It assures you that you mean so much to someone. If you're going to ask me, I really don't know. I've never heard of someone who feels jealous because of me. I've never experienced that...

Not until I found out that He is jealous for me :'-) <3

Yes He is, He is jealous. With teary eyes, I just realized that. He's jealous when I open my eyes in the morning and not think of Him first. He's jealous whenever I listen to Maroon 5's new album rather than Him. He's jealous whenever I spend a lot of time talking to other people and he only got me talking to Him for 5 minutes. He's jealous whenever I read my news feed and timelines so much rather than His words. He's jealous whenever I'm so occupied with all the recreation I fancy. He is really jealous. Why? because He said He loves me. He loves me very much.

And this Man I know loves me more than anyone in this world. His love for me weighs much more compared to all the love I get from all the people I know. That is true, I can feel it.

And Yes, He loves you too. God loves you too. God is jealous, He doesn't want you to be too much occupied with anything or anyone. He always wants you to be close to Him. But never take God's jealousy negatively. He is not like us humans. He is jealous because He just wants us not to be far from Him. He wants us to always be under His blessings and His care. He created us, He cares for us, He loves us. If you think that nobody cares for you, God cares for you and He loves you. And that Love is something so significant that nothing can compare to that, even all the love in the world.

Just imagine how much sadness we feel whenever we are jealous of a single person. Painful, isn't it? How much more the feeling God gets everyday when billions of people (that includes you and me) ignore Him?


God is a jealous God, and He wants your Undivided heart, Because He loves You.

"Father, When you wake me up in the morning, The first person I will think of is You. Sorry for the times that you are just my second, third, fourth and so on priority. Thank You for loving me so much despite everything I've done that pains You. I will love You back."

Cuddle Weather

As the wind blows hard and the noise of the heavy rain overwhelms my hearing, I think of you. Yes, my dear. I want you here beside me, snuggled in our own bed inside a thick, warm blanket. Your childlike nature comes and attacks me with your tickling. Hey, I know where you are ticklish too. Our giggles overcome the noise of the pelting rain. As I catch my breath, I rest my head on your arm. You cover your other arm around me. That warm embrace was the finest, I can't help but turn around, face you and stare at your beautiful eyes. You smile, I smile. You move closer and kiss me in the forehead. No words came out of your mouth but your eyes says it all.  It speaks of how thankful you are to God that I was the one.  I move closer and wrap both of my arms around you. I will place my head on your chest and feel the rhythm of your heartbeat. I love this cuddle weather. You and me together. Closer. Better. Forever.

"Sa tingin mo ba
'Di ako nasasaktan?
'Di ako manhid"

"If only I can,
I would run to you and say
that I still love you"

A Brave Thing

Talking to you is one of the bravest thing I do. I admit, it was hard to face you, communicate and hide whatever feelings I have. It's hard to make eye to eye contact with your two round eyes. It's hard to focus whenever you are making a point. It's hard to grasp all the words and every story you are sharing because at the back of my mind I contemplate on how long this awkwardness will take. If only I can, I would stand up and say "Stop, I've had enough!" but that would just be plain rude. So I just sit, stare and endure the pain of listening to the sound of your voice and the creepy feeling of seeing your soul as I stare at your eyes. I guess I'm weak after all.