It's sad to realize that I got used to holding on to your arms..arms that is not so big nor small just enough for me to hold on to. I am sad that whenever I'm not holding on to it I feel weak and helpless. It felt as If there's something missing, like missing a part of my anatomy. I would trip, fall, and stumble. It's sad that I can't hold on to it now. I miss the time that you make your arms available, but I will suppress myself from holding on to it, 'cause I'm still unsure if you really ever made your arms open for me.

I have written for what seems to me
the perfect structure,
the perfect rhyme,
the perfect rhythm,
the perfect syllabication of words
about how I feel.
But I chose not to publish it.
You'll never read it anyway.

Nais ko nang mahimbing
Ngunit ako'y nananatiling gising
Sa isip mo ba'y ako'y nasa iyong piling?
At inaasam-asam ang aking paglalambing?

Huwag mo naman ako masyado isipin
Baka ika'y magsawa't mawala ang pagtingin
Nais ko lamang na sa iyo'y sambitin,
Wag mangamba, ika'y iniisip ko rin.

Kaunting oras na lamang at umaga na,
Nakatingin sa langit sa bukas na bintana
Iniisip kung ano ang ating tadhana
At kung sa dulo'y haharap ba tayo sa dambana

Mahirap intindihin ang nagbubugsong damdamin
Ngunit mabuti na ito muna'y pigilin
Ipikit na ang mga mata, tayo ay manalangin
Nasa isip nati'y magkakatotoo din.

May tamang panahon, Huwag tayong maiinip
Sa ngayon tayo muna'y manatili sa ating mga isip
Tulog na, aking mahal, ang aking panghalip
Ako'y bibisita sa iyong panaginip

I'll always remember the words you said
That I should not be the one to fall first
'Cause it will prevent me from getting hurt
of the pain behind unrequited love.
Thanks for the advice, I'll keep this in mind.

:-(

Something brings me back to a memory. You and I were walking, with smiles on faces, happily enjoying each other's company. Fair skins were touched by the bright sunshine, making it a bit red and this resulted into giggles. I can sense it was a bit awkward for you and me. This was a first date. Yes, it was a date. I can see that you're really happy 'cause you can't seem to talk to me or even get near me when there are other people around. Honestly, I was enjoying your company as well. I was happy that's it's just you and I, not minding the chaperones following at the back. I was surprised you were talking this much, for you seldom talked. The way you gave compliments to me was cheesy but sweet. The way you gave opinions and reactions made me impressed. I don't know if you ever listened when I talked, it seems like you are so occupied with something. You smile all the time. Then suddenly, I was surprised with what you said. "Can we hold hands?". This made me chuckle a bit. You don't have to ask permission, but I appreciate you doing so. I responded with extending a hand and you held it perfectly. It was awesome and splendid. Despite the fact that you want to get rid of the chaperones I have, I can still sense that you are the happiest, and that makes me happy too.

What a beautiful memory to look back, isn't it? But this makes me sad and it really makes me wonder..

What if "I" was me?

Tatlong Salita

"Nababaliw ka na"

Sinasambit mo ito ng paulit ulit sa aking isip. Tatlong katagang madalas kong marinig mula sa'yo, at sa madalas mong pagsambit nito ito'y naging paborito mo na. Madalas mo itong sinasambit tuwing tayo ay magkasama, sa mga panahong kaya kong gawin ang lahat upang mapangiti ka lamang. Maging katawa-tawa, magmukhang tanga. Sa mga panahong nangigiti ako kapag kasama kita, kapag kausap ka, kapag nakatitig ka sa aking mga mata, ika'y takang taka at sasambitin ang mga salitang ito. Siguro nga tama ka, nababaliw na nga ako 'nun. Sana mas ninamnam ko ang tatlong salitang 'yun, baka sakaling mas nagising ako ng maaga. Palibhasa ibang tatlong salita ang nais kong marinig mula sa'yo. Tatlong salitang hinding hindi ko maririnig. Pero, paano kaya kung ang tatlong salita na nais kong marinig ay iyong naging paborito? Ano kaya ang ating estado? Masaya kaya tayo?

Salamat at 'di mo 'yun naging paborito. Totoo, walang biro. Hindi ko na naririnig ang pagsambit ng paborito mong mga salita, hindi ko rin naman hinahanap-hanap 'yun. Napapangiti na lamang ako sa mga nakaraan sa likod ng mga salitang 'yon, at sa aking pag-ngiti, hindi ako nababaliw, masaya lang ako. Dahil ako ay nabaliw ngunit natuto.

Ikaw? Nababaliw ka na ba?

Pag-ibig, Isang Patimpalak?

Ang aking pangarap

Pag-ibig mong mailap

Pinilit na mahagilap

At ikaw ay nahanap

Ngunit ako'y napatulala

Sitwasyon ko'y malala

Sapagkat aking naalala

Sayo pala'y maraming nakapila

Kumukuha ng iyong atensyon

Sumusugal ng emosyon

Nagbibigay ng panahon

Na tila ito'y kompetisyon

Sa dami ng sumusuyo

Ako ba'y dapat ng lumayo?

Mistula bang malayo

Ang pag-asang maging tayo?

Sa aking mga kalaban

Sa hugis ng pangangatawan

At sa kanilang kagandahan

Ako'y walang kalaban-laban

Ako ba'y susuko?

Ano ba ang laban ko?

Akin lamang maipapangako

Pag-ibig na hindi mapapako

Hindi ka magrereklamo

Iyon sana ang makita mo

Iyan ang aking pagsamo

Pag-asang nais matamo

Tila kalaba'y humahalakhak

Sa kabiguan, ako'y nasasadlak

Tanong ko lamang, sa aking pag-iyak

Pag-ibig nga ba'y isang patimpalak?

Nakakalungkot isiping

Pag-asa ko'y katiting

Ngunit sa puso ko'y hinihiling

Sa dami ng sayo'y nahuhumaling

Na kahit sila ay unahin

Ako'y di mawawala sa'yong paningin

Dahil ako ang iyong pipiliin

Pipiliin na mahalin.

At 'pag ako ang napili

Hindi ka na masasaktang muli

Mamahalin kita sa bawat sandali

Dahil sa puso ko, ika'y walang katunggali

Ano ba'ng laban ko

Sa mga nakapila

Papunta sa'yo?

The impossible

Will surely happen today

When you just believe

God hears your prayers

But He wants your confidence

Whenever you ask

It's hard to believe

That a person like me can

Be jealous like this.

How?

How can that person, who I used to see as common, mean so much to me right now? How can that person, who I seldom speak to, become a good listening ear? How can that person, who used to know nothing about me, knows me better than anyone else now? How can that person, who I used to smile at, become the best person to giggle with? How can that person, who I have never hang out with, become inseperable to me? How can that person, who used to be an acquaintance, become my bestfriend? How can that person, be you? How?

The future is bright

But like a star, it fades

If you don't shine right

I can't hardly wait
For the moment that I will
Only be with you

Amalayer? :-p

Lack of sleep, a yawn

Is such a shallow reason

To be silent and idle,

To spare a chuckle,

To fake a smile,

To talk for just a while,

To be mentally away,

To be not okay.

It's a sad, sweet lie

That you unbelievably buy

But I'll keep mum about this

this unjustified feeling, I'll dismiss

'Cause its just senseless

When you don't care any less.

I’ve learned to never assume nor conclude that a guy likes me unless he tells me. If he admits it, I would appreciate him for being man enough to tell and for being honest about his feelings, and thank him for seeing my value apart from all the girls who are better than me in a lot of aspects. If he never tells me, then I will assume that it’s just a friendly act. I don’t want to get my heart broken over an assumption or a feeling that never existed.

I was all smiles when you said that you're not turned off with me.

I blushed when you say you've missed me.

How long are we going to be like this?

Just when I thought everything is okay
I was slapped by the fact that isn't.
Maybe I just have to find solutions
And maybe pray for clear revelations
On how I'll address these situations.

I love piggy back rides
With me holding on tight
And you securing me
We enjoy each other
Crazily running and walking around
With tireless laughs
And huge smiles on our faces
With me feeling secured
Lifted by the love of my life
I'm happy for the fact that 
You delight in carrying me
No matter how heavy I am
No matter how tired you are
I promise I'll give you a ride as well
or I'll try to lose some weight
So you won't have a hard time
Carrying me around
'Cause I love the piggy back rides
And I love the fact that
It's you who's carrying me on your back 

“Let no one who loves be called altogether unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow.” 

― J.M. Barrie, The Little Minister

"I wanted to just lie in the couch with you, under the blankets, with a movie rolling, with me under your warm embrace, no kissing nor sex unlike the movies show us, just you and I embracing each other is already perfect, our laughs overpowering the pelting rain, the coldness of the weather beaten by the warmth of our hugs, you whispering the sweet words to me, I stare at your eyes, with tears of joy, and a sincere smile. I am happy :-)"

Dear Future Boyfriend,
          
               I just want you to know that recently, a lot has been looking for you. It’s funny, I know, for I haven’t even met you yet.  However, I didn’t feel pressure every time I’m asked about you. I just gave them a smile and say, “Let’s not hurry, I will introduce him to all of you soon” :-)
               
                But you know what, sometimes I wonder how it looks like or feels like when we are together now. How my friends or those curious people would react when they see me approaching..with you holding my hand. I wonder how you would respond to the warm and even the cold greetings. I hope you will just shrug it off, for there are always people who will raise their eyebrows on us. I hope that you are too happy that we are together to even mind that matter. I hope that you are happy that I am your girlfriend because you know, I’m more than happy that I am introducing you to do them as my boyfriend, my dearest.
                
                But for now, I think it’s best if you just sleep a little longer my dear. You know I’m still dealing with a lot of things right now and I bet you know that It’s not yet a good time for us to be together. I still got a lot to learn. You deserve the best my dear, and I would love to give that best to you. I’m not feeling any pressure whenever they look for you because I know this matter shouldn't be rushed. Let’s just concentrate first on what God wants us to focus on like our studies, families, responsibilities and of course, our relationship with Him. Let us continue to love Him more everyday and prepare our hearts. Let Jesus guard our hearts, for He is the Lord of our relationship.
                
                Writing this puts a huge smile on my face. I promise that I will protect my heart and save it for you.With God’s help, I will gladly wait and pray. And when the time comes that we’re already together, I believe the first person that will be the happiest mood is God, for His perfect will is for us to meet. That is really worth praying and waiting for, isn't it? So let me say, “See you soon, my dear <3”

                                                                                             With so much love,
                                                                                              Your Future Girlfriend <3