Sudden Nocturnal Death Syndrome

I thank my God today

I'm still alive, I'm glad to say

I was aboutto pass away

But He chose for me to stay

My body is immobile

It won't move, it kept still

The nightmares, the fear I feel

I can't breathe, my efforts were futile

I wondered what would happen

If I was never awaken

My passing would be so sudden

And I will soon be forgotten

Awake, I stayed

And I continuously prayed

God will come, His arms laid

'Cause in saving, He never failed

Thank You, Lord, You are my saviour

I have survived the painful tremor

Staying alive is in my favour

The black dream got back its colour

Tonight, As I lay in my bed

I'm assured I'll be protected

Falling asleep, I will not dread

With God, I won't fear being dead

Everybody's going to leave but not an old friend. An old friend is undubitably gold but how could that be possible if s/he deserted a friend? Gold fades if it doesn't hone its value. It will be fading like a dust escalating beneath the wind until it's lost, hardly redeeming the value it once had.
--Charlie (geekycharlie)

L’amour est un mot à utiliser delicatement; 
delicatement, je te ferais des calins; 
calins, compliments; 
compliments sur ton beau visage, tes yeux de cristal et ta personalité d’ange; 
ange, mon ange; 
ange qui m’a choisi parmis tous les hommes;
homme, je suis le tiens;
tiens mon coeur, il n’y a qu’un mot pour decrire ce que j’éprouve;
j’éprouve l’amour.

-Anon.

Woke up in a state where I can barely describe If I'm okay or not. My temperature's really high but I feel cold. I feel something is pressing me in the chest, supressing my breathing. I was awake again and my sad thoughts loaded again. I closed my eyes and wished to sleep again, 'cause that is my escape. I am in a high fever but the sad thoughts is so much harder to bear. Physically, emotionally, I am sick. Popped a pill for the fever, but for the other one I know a pill could not ease it but to be patient enough to deal with it. I closed my eyes and said my prayers. I should get back to sleep now, and hope that tomorrow will be fine.

I will always be grateful to you for loving me. No amount of sweet words can describe how blessed I am to have met you, to have known you and to have you. You are the one who has seen the things in me beyond the superficial, for your Love is never based on that. You are the one who has seen my flaws, imperfection and shortcomings but you embraced them all. I have proved that your Love is genuine and priceless, and I will always be secure with it. So no matter how perfect the relationship of other people may seem, I would always stick with what we have, I will always stick with you. 'cause your Love is beyond perfect, and I'll always be a one lucky girl for that. And of course, I Love you too.

I Love you

Not because of what you can offer

And what you can give either

I just know I'll be Loved forever

By someone I'm grateful for.

I Love you

And this is never a bluff

But telling you is not enough

So even when times get rough

I'll always make you feel my Love

I Love you

For a million reason

In every change of season

And it will always be my mission

To prove this all to you

I Love you

Whatever happens between us

Whoever crosses our paths

Wherever life takes us

Remember, I Love you

Bad Day

Slept too long, Woke up with a gruesome feeling and sight. Planned to study, haven’t studied enough. Ate a lot, Hate myself for doing so. My little sister annoyed me so much. My brother murmuring at my words. My mother scolding us. The computer technician blaming my files for the computer’s slowness. Who are you to complain? I gave them all a look. A mean look but still thankful I didn’t shout at them or anything. Late for first period, Professor not in the mood. Rushed to do my homework for second class, Professor’s absent. This period sucks, I wish I was a boy. I wanted to see you, but you didn't show up. Had a fight with my best friend, when we just made up the other day. Forgot to cut my nails, I hurt someone. Bought Ice cream, It dripped on my hand, forgot my handkerchief. Wanted more than one Isaw but I only got enough for one. Went home early, Went upstairs, Did nothing. Mother forcing me to eat dinner, I don’t want to eat, Ate whatever’s on the table, only to find out it’s something I’m allergic to. My face itching all over, my hands on my lower abdomen. I feel sick, I threw up. Went upstairs again, I bumped my head on something. My throat is now itchy, I'm coughing hard. Opened the laptop, still slow. Searched for my faveband, Envied those who came to last night’s concert. Drank hot milk to make me sleep and still awake as an owl Spilled some hot milk on myself, I threw the empty cup. My brother getting the laptop from me, can't he see I'm using it? I want to shout out loud and cry. I loathe this day, I want to sleep, ‘cos this is just for today.

Location : Don Ramon, Quezon City,

A Visit To The Past

Sometimes when the present time is just too harsh on me and I am hurting a lot, I want to simply escape it and visit --the past.

I went under my bed, pulled that big black box that contains a lot of stuff of various kinds. One box contains my grade school pictures. What a fat kid I was then and still never lost weight. I remember my classmates who teased me "baboy" and "tabatchoy" and how I cried because I don't know how to defend myself. They're my friends now, by the way. I also saw some achievements I've kept, some ribbons and medals, and I wonder why I don't get one anymore. Another box contained memories of high school. Four crazy years. It amazes me that I have this collection of headbands, and how I adored rock bands then. One side of the box made my heart skipped a bit. My First Love, First heartbreak. It's just so funny that I've treasured a lot of things from my first Love. I’ve kept his mechanical pencil, his comb, even the ripped part of his school uniform. His simple doodles on a paper, even the wrappers of the food he gave me. This brings back a smile on my face, the feeling of being in love and how my heart was broken back then, how I wondered why we never ended up together and how happy I am that I have moved on and how happy I am that he's happy with his fiancée. Too bad we were too shy to have a picture together. As I went deeper in the box I saw more stuff. The toga cap I never returned and my corsage, letters from my high school best friend and some text messages from special people I've written down on a notebook. There are also yearly birthday messages that I really treasure. My pictures, looking innocent and young to the world and blaming stress for my appearance now. I somehow looked beautiful then. There are poetry, writings, and whatnot. I am happy that I have this personality, keeping things whether valuable or not to serve as a memento of special moments I will never forget. Everything I see reminds me of something and it brings me back from where it happened.

This is just the first box and I still have two more to dig but I stopped. I stopped not because these memories are too overwhelming to grasp. Everything may not contain a happy memory behind it, some of it was really heartbreaking but those were memories I learned to live with -- memories that make me sad for a while but make me happy that I have overcome it.

I stopped because I decided to go back to the present. As I go back, I still have my heart broken from some painful things of the world. However, having a visit to the past makes me realize that this present pain will become a memory of the past that I will visit in the future.

Ice Cream

I want ice cream. Badly. Really really badly. I don't care whether it's the one you can turn upside down, a regular sundae cone from my favorite fast food or that cheap old sorbetes. I just want ice cream..now.

Eating ice cream has never failed me. I don't know if I sound silly but ice cream helps me in a unique way. Whenever I'm sad, frustrated or depressed I rush to the nearest place where I can get it. It's better if I have my best friend, my ice cream buddy with me but there can be times that he's the very reason why I'm eating one. I hate it when it's like that, which makes me have another helping of Ice cream. I don't eat alone, but this ice cream habit of mine mostly happens when no one's available to give comfort to me, no one but sweet ice cream.

And as I consume that Ice cream I can feel its coldness, sweetness that removes the pain inside me for a while. As I eat it I remember how sad I am and why I'm eating one. Tears would fall from my eyes. I close my eyes as I take it slowly, slowly removing that painful feeling with that creamy state of the Ice cream. It's like people who wants to drink on sad days but Ice cream never gets you wasted and won't let you do anything you'll regret. I hate that I have to eat Ice cream but I love how comforting it is for me.

I just finished a cone. I know ice cream would never fix anything permanently and its effect is short-lived but somehow I would like to get another cone, another cup, another pint..just to numb myself for a while from all the hurt I'm feeling.

I was staring blankly in anger. No, I don't know if it was anger, dissapointment or frustration. My head aches from thinking. My stomach is growling. I can't hate anyone but I hate you.

State the obvious. Since we parted,everything has changed between the both of us. It's never like what used to be. I don't know with you, but I'm still in the process of forgetting and I'm having a hard time with you being silly pushing yourself again into my life. I don't know what you are really up to, but no matter what motive you have it's really rude of you to barge in just like that. You have hurt me more than once and I won't let it happen again.

If only I'm blunt enough to say this to your face I will really do, but once I'm in front of you I'm helpless. No, you can't say sweet compliments just like that, or unpermissably get my phone and read my sms, comment on my friends, or do sweet favors for me. It's sweet, but I can't appreciate it. You don't know how hard it is for me. It's like picking up the shattered pieces and there you are breaking it again.

Maybe, whether I like it or not, you'll still be involved with my life. The world is small and the worse is that you've been my world so you'll always be there. As long as you're alive I can't do anything about it but I won't kill you. I just want to ask a favor--Don't give me a hard time.

Dearest Future Boyfriend,

You know I have a lot of things to say to you and I don't know how to start but I'll start by saying thank you so much, because among all the woman here on earth it is I you chose to love. Thank you for pursuing me, for praying for me and for waiting for me. That really means a lot, you know.

When you come I will have someone who will understand me more than anyone else. Someone who is willing to give a listening ear when I talk and a speaking mouth when I'm silent. Someone who is willing to do the simplest things like waiting for me so that I won't eat alone, or doing the groceries with me. Someone who will be sensitive enough to see there's something wrong no matter how good I am in concealing it. Someone who can put up with all my flaws. Someone who will cover my eyes for things I should not see. Someone who knows how to hurt me but won't do it. Someone who will wipe away my tears. Someone that will surely reciprocate my love and that is you.

I don't know if I want you now in my life but maybe it's better if we don't meet yet. But one thing is for sure. I'm going to prepare and wait. You deserve the best. When you come, I'd be very happy. See you soon my dearest.

Love, Love, Love

Your Dearest.

A Letter to Someone Handsome

Dear,

It may seem that the world doesn't appreciate your physical being, but let me say that I'm the one who values it. You may not believe it, for what I show and tell you was the opposite. But now, let me say you are handsome. You are beautiful. Don't you know that a lot has already told you that compliment? Even my mother said you are. I just don't tell you 'cause it sounds really weird for me to do so.You know we don't converse that way and our friendship is like everyday scrutiny. Maybe that's how we love each other, haha. Now I'm telling you, with all my heart, you are handsome. You have good looks. You are the guy version of beauty and brains. Crush-worthy. Move over, Papa P. (Oh well that's too much haha!)

But my dear, there is something beyond that handsome face. Let me start on your talents. I always testify on how amazing you are when it comes to writing. You are a great writer. Whatever subject and form, you can always write. It's a great entropy of your life. Girls melt whenever they read your writings about love. It's obvious that I'm your biggest fan. You're also good in academics. Don't you know there are certain lessons that I can't understand unless you teach me? I learn a lot from you. The list goes on but the more significant thing you possess is a caring and genuine heart. You are the guy who live and love with all your heart and soul. A guy with humility and sincerity. I love the way you love and I always thought that your girlfriend will feel blessed having you. There are guys who can be more handsome or well-built than you but you have the best muscle you can brag about and that is your heart. I don't care whether you are handsome or not, even you're not a Mr. Pogi contestant, 'cause beyond the superficial is something great that I'm proud of. I'm not bestfriends with you just because you're a fair-skinned tall guy with a cute face that I always like to pinch. It's because you understand and know me better, and for who you are in totality. It's not always about the looks, 'cause it's never permanent. You are handsome and you have a great loving heart. Your future wife has hit the jackpot.

So my dear, do not belittle yourself. It's saddening when you do that. You are worth something great. You are "something". There's no barf bag and giggling as I make this for I am sincere. So handsome, go out and share your smile to the world. I'll always be the one to catch the flying tomatoes. (Just kidding)

Biggest Fan,

Maica D.

Location : Don Ramon, Quezon City,

Nagtatampo ako sa'yo. Alam mo ba 'yun? Siguro akala mo hindi ako matampuhin, madalas ko kasi itong itago o hindi ko inaamin. Pero ngayon aaminin ko nagtampo talaga ako.

Nasaktan ako e, alam mo naman diba? Nakita mo. Nakita mo ang mga patak ng luha sa aking mata na pilit kong itinago. Pero wala naman ata akong maitatago sa'yo, alam mo na ang lahat sa akin. Ikaw ang nakakakilala sakin ng buo. At dahil dun mas lalo ako nagtampo. Pakiramdam ko napabayaan ako. Pinabayaan mo akong mag-isa, alam mo naman na hindi ko gustong mapag-isa sa mga ganitong panahon. Wala kang obligasyon na samahan ako pero hindi ba dapat may gawin ka? Nasaan ka? Pakiramdam ko nawala ka bigla.

Oo nga naman, marami kang inaasikaso. Maraming naghahanap sa'yo at masyado kang abala para intindihin pa ang kadramahang kong ito. Pero alam ko kayang kaya mo akong intindihin kahit gaano ka pa ka-abala. Ayaw kong isipin na wala akong halaga sa'yo, kasi sabi mo mahalaga ako sa'yo pero sumagi 'yun sa isipan ko. Lalo akong nalungkot at naiyak sa mga naisip ko. Bakit ganun ka? Ayaw na muna kita kausapin.

Dito ko napag-isip isip na mahal pala talaga kita. Na kahit nagtatampo ako, hindi kita matiis. Kahit ayaw kita kausapin, mayroon nagtutulak sa akin na gawin 'yun. Hindi rin kita natiis. Kinausap din kita. Sinabi mo ang mga kailangan kong marinig. Napangiti ako. Naintindihan kita.Siguro ganito ang nararamdaman mo kapag ako naman ang hindi mo maramdaman. Ngayon alam ko na. Patawarin mo ako. Bati na tayo ha?

Dear Pillow

You don't know how much I value you. You mean so much to me. For others you were just a simple sleeping material and ignores you when they wake up. But for me you're something special. You have been a great absorber of all my emotions all these years. Whenever I'm lying down and I receive that particular sms, you are the one I'm slapping in excitement. I'm sorry, I can't contain the gladness I have. Whenever I'm really tired I long for you and you never fail to give me that certain comfort feeling that no other pillow can give. You can testify to the saddest days of my life. You have been absorbing all my tears. You were the one I hug so tight whenever I feel so depressed. I understand you can't hug back although I wish you could. I am contented with the fact that I have someone or something to hug just because I badly need one. It seems like you understand me and what I feel. I've been so comfortable with you that I find it hard to sleep without you. Thank you dear pillow, you have served me well for years and I'm looking forward for more years.

It was just really hard to digest everything that has happened. What she did was just so mean. I know I'm at fault but what gives her the right to do such thing? With all due respect I am mad at her. My apology was sincere.

I try hard to supress my tears. I was able to control it for a while but I really can't. I held my lecture handout and tried to read it but I never understood it. I was blank. I'm hurt. I appreciate my friends consoling me for a while. I want to speak, to let it all out but the place is not right. I don't want to cry in public. As I exit that building and escape the humiliation I've experienced I want to forget everything that has happened. The sudden attention. Her annoying voice. That judgmental faces. Everything repeats on my head. I feel crazy. I wish there's someone out there where I can let this out but no one's there. I felt more depressed. I went away. I rode the wrong jeepney. As I sit I burst into tears and tried my best to hide it. The guy on my left and right noticed. It seems like the guy on the right wants to console me. I would appreciate if he does. The jeepney dropped me off and I forgot my change. I almost got hit when I crossed the street. The heavy rain suddenly poured down. I did not run for cover. I just walked and let the rain mix with my sad tears. I've had enough today. I can't take it anymore. I can't wait for tomorrow.

I love it when you hug me, 'cause whenever you hug me I feel secured. I love it when I'm inside that embrace and I can feel your heartbeat in tune with mine. I love the piggy back rides. It's like you're bringing me back to my childhood and letting me experience it again. I love it when you carry me. It's like being weak and there you are strong enough to lift me up. I love those funny faces of yours. It never fails to cheer me up. I love the times when you feed me. It sounds funny but that's really sweet. You make dinner a hundred times better. I love it when you hold my hand and lock it with yours. It's amazing that our hands fit perfectly with each other. Maybe God really designed it to be like that. I love when you do these little things and I wish you won't get tired of  for these little things that you do makes me fall in love more and more each day.