How do you live when you have nothing to look forward to anymore?

I used to be a person with goals and dreams, writing them like a checklist and praying every year that I get them. 

Eventually I outgrew them because I never got them. Maybe it’s not for me. I’ve always believed that if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.

I became the person who hopes less in anything. I might not get it, so I’ve learned to manage my expectations. I look forward to maybe, if I am patient, I’ll get it. 

I never got it.

Am I still waiting? Maybe.

I became the person who thought that maybe I am too complacent so I strived to get it. I fought for it, sacrificing my pride and my comfort zone. Did I get it now? Maybe yes.

But no, I did not. 

And the more I try, the more I fail.

Now I don’t know how to live anymore.

I don’t know what to look forward to anymore.

I used to wake up each day looking forward to the one I love — coffee. It’s the best thing, and it never fails me. But eventually, I became the person who forgot that I love it, and I don’t enjoy it anymore. Now, I take it like a drug to wake my senses up, but I don’t look forward to it anymore. I can even live without it.

I’m afraid I’ll run out of things to look forward to everyday. I’m afraid it will happen very soon.